When Family Members Disagree: Holding a Productive Caregiving Meeting

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You probably think that providing love, care, and support to an older member of your family is a personal thing. At one level or another, you feel a sense of responsibility. You have a role to fill. But remember, eldercare is also a family matter—an important, appropriate part of
the family’s agenda. So, everyone’s goal has to be staying focused, honest, open, and fair with one another.

Assessing Your Family Strengths and Weaknesses When your spouse, parents or grandparents need help, and other family members consult about it,  unresolved family issues may get in the way of effective helping. Revisiting and reopening long-standing family issues of sibling rivalry, parental favoritism, and other family problems during the last months or years of a parent’s life is an easy trap to fall into. The best way to minimize these problems is to be aware of their possibility and avoid them consciously. Work with your siblings and other involved family members to focus your interactions around the older person’s needs and best interests, not other family business. If necessary, have a friend or professional counselor meet and talk with you to move the discussion along. You probably are not going to change the basic dynamics in your family. Try not to let care giving issues become an emotional battle between family members. It helps to recognize going
into the care giving role that some people are going to give more than others. Often, there is not much that can be done to correct this imbalance of involvement. However, much can be done in terms of support and affirmation. Those carrying the major responsibility for managing or providing care need both help and appreciation. Do what you can, and support those who are doing the rest.

Family Communication Skills
When it comes to family communication, it’s never too late to improve. Even families with long histories of not communicating very well—or at all—can learn to share their views and ideas for meeting the elder care needs of parents, grandparents, or other older relatives.
If your family is “communication-challenged,” try these simple tips:
• Think of family communication as an opportunity for personal and family growth.
• Put your issues and concerns out on the table for discussion. Do others see the situation the way you do? Be open to give and  take, but try to move in the direction of a consensus about what the elder care needs and opportunities really are.
• Be inclusive. Draw out what each family member is thinking and feeling, including the older person you are trying to support and care for.
• Stick with it. Reaching consensus usually takes some work. Be willing to give it the time and effort it requires.
• Be open to both asking for and accepting help. The whole idea is to not “go it alone.”
• Share the load. Make sure there is basic fairness going on in terms of the financial, time, and emotional costs of the family’s overall elder care efforts.
• Know when to say “no.” If the “fairness” message is not getting through, or if you are simply stretched beyond your capacity, it may be a time to decline some tasks and speak with another family member about sharing them.
• If necessary, call in a professional. A geriatric care manager, elder care attorney or therapist can serve as mediator when things become contentious or come to an impasse

We at Fairfield Family Care can assist in your need for quality home care for you or your loved one, or respite relief for family caregivers. We can provide care for just a few hours a day, a few days a week, or 24 hour live-in care if needed. We assist clients with a full range of needs from basic laundry, healthy meal preparation, medication reminders, light house keeping and errands, to advanced personalized care. Regardless of the amount of assistance your need, we provide top quality care and our caregivers are trained in Dementia, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s care.

The daily safety and comfort of our clients is our #1 concern. We insist on and we make it our mission to assure that our caregivers will be the best fit for each individual need.

Fairfield Family Care hires only top quality and experienced caregivers. We have a growing database of over 1200 top quality male and female caregivers to choose from.

All our caregivers are insured, bonded and go through strenuous background checks to ensure the most reliable care possible. You deserve a diligent and sincere caregiver to help meet your needs. Let us find the most suitable caregiver and begin assisting you today.

For more information on in home care please call
Fairfield Family Care, 203-295-3477 or email us at [email protected]